There used to be a time in my life when sex was basically the most important thing. Up there with things like Jack Daniels and going commando.
When was I going to have sex next? Who would it be with? What would we do? How many times would we do it? Could we do it here? Could we do it there? Why not do it everywhere? Sex was like “teh important” and I feel for the most part, my “peak” came during a time when most men peak. This is different because CLEARLY I AM A WOMAN! But then I think about how I was then. I was like “most men” when it came to sex, so it makes sense. I didn’t have the typical (and albeight stereotypical) “girl sex syndrome” where sex = love and sex = exclusivity and sex = emotion and goo goo gah gah I’ve got my head so far up my ass I’m not even sure I’m having sex sex. I never could wrap my brain around that line of thinking back then. Sex felt good. Sex felt really good. I wanted lots of feeling good sex sex sex and it didn’t really so much matter about love or emotions or anything else besides FEELING GOOD.
These days, life isn’t about getting some. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love me some good sex and feeling good all over and we get our fair share of it on a regular basis, but I don’t feel as “driven” by it anymore. I don’t constantly worry about not getting enough, getting to much, how/when/where to get more and the whole slew of worries that come along with having sex with strangers and condoms and STD testing, crazy stalkers and those even crazier “this is love at first sight I just know it, dont leave me foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” people.
Maybe I just grew the hell up. Maybe I just got other more important things to think about. Maybe I’m just over it. Maybe I no longer define my life by how much sex I am or am not getting?
Either way, I never ever want to forget being that woman who just wanted to feel good and didn’t require a long-term relationship to feel complete or think that if I slept with “insert name here” s/he’d love me forever. All of those experiences, both good and bad, got me to be who I am today and I think it’s really important, especially for our young women out there, to know and understand that sex doesn’t have to be all love and forever. It can be just for right this very second, to feel good. It can also mean forever and love and marriage and all that. But it doesn’t ONLY have to be that way. You get to decide what it means and why you are doing it. And that’s OK!
My mother taught me that I should wait to have sex until I got married or until I really fell in love with someone. While I do believe that’s a really nice dream, I’m glad I had my fun. I do wish I would have waited before jumping into things, I definitely was young when I first started having sex and if there were one thing in my life that I would change is that age. I wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with what sex brings with it. I’m thankful that I made mostly good choices which didn’t leave me in a situation where I had to make decisions that I wasn’t really prepared to make.
I wonder if I’ll pass that line of thinking on to our children. If I’ll be as open and willing to share what I went through in some attempt to guide them toward what is right for them. I hope so. I don’t want to ever forget that young, independent, free-spirit who definitely made some mistakes but also got a whole lot right.
