There are millions of thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head today.  I woke up happy, but then it quickly turned into something else.  I yelled at Sean for no good reason.  Then I yelled at him some more over something I can’t even remember right now.  Sean’s a trooper though, and he knows whats bothering me before I can even put it into words.

Mom’s moving this weekend.  And tonight is dinner at my sister’s house, where we’ll say goodbye.

It sounds so silly to me to be upset about this.  I’m not a little kid anymore.  I’ve lived seperately from my mom since I’m 17 years old.  I have a husband now.  He’s the person I lean on and get support from.  No more than 10 years ago, I was doing everything I could to get away from my mother.  And now, here I sit, crying and an emotional basket case because she’s moving a few states away...trying to figure out how soon I can get the hell out of here and be closer to her again.

I know this is the BEST move for her!  She needed to stop working at M A C Y * S and she needed to live some place warmer and cheaper and just all around better.  So I’m happy for her!  She deserves this more than anything.  The long (12+ hours) work days were slowing killing her.  The stress and aggravation from it all wasn’t helping at all.  These are all the things my sister told me on the phone the other night, and while I agreed completely with her, I wondered whether she was trying to convince me of all this, or herself.

I’ve tried really hard not to think so much about this weekend, because it had always been so far away.  I’ve not allowed myself time to really feel all the emotions.  I think on some level, I was hoping this day just would never come and something would happen, and she’d be here a little bit longer. 

So, today I’m just sad.