My Aunt passed away Friday night.  It was something we knew was coming.  She had been diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago, and it’s been a long and painful road.  Because of the illness, she hid away from most of her family, only allowing her husband and children to see her.  It’s pretty sad when you think about it.  But the truth is, she was a hard person to get close to.  She always kept her distance, and when she was invited to family get-togethers, she never came.  She never allowed my Uncle to go either.  She secluded herself off from the world long before she got sick.  The sickness only made it worse. 

The three girls in my family will be representing our family at the wake today.  We’re the only one’s left here on the island, and we all feel it’s something we should do out of respect for our Uncle and love for our mother.  My mom isn’t able to make it up here for her brother, so it’s the very least we can do.  I’m going to meet my sister at her house, and then we will go to the funeral home together, where my other sister will meet us.  I’m relieved to know I won’t be there alone, and that I have my sisters and they have me. 

Over the past few days, I’ve been doing alot of thinking about life.  How quickly it passes us by.  How one year turns into 5, then 10, then 20.  Before we know it, the people we once saw as vibrant and alive and always there, will slowly fade from this earth...from our memories.  It’s hard for me today to even remember my Aunt’s face.  I try pulling memories from my childhood, but I can only see bits and pieces...little flashes that I can’t even put together to form a full memory. 

Where has the time gone?

Hey, you!  Where did you come from?  How did you get here?  What’s going on?  Will someone please tell me something!  Who sent you?  What do you want with me?

I need answers!

One can hope.  I am still sick.  But I think it’s gotten a little better (but ask me again around 6 tonight and I’m sure I’ll be a whining baby).  I live for the Robutussin DM.  That shit lays the smack down on my cough.  I can almost sleep 4-5 hours without waking up and coughing.  It’s the little things…

Stormy went in to the vet this morning for his teeth cleaning.  It should take about 20 minutes to complete.  They’ll use a local and have him out for about 30 minutes or so.  Hopefully this will get rid of whatever infection he’s got going on in his little body.  We should be able to pick him up tonight, which makes me happy because I hate not having him home. 

Speaking of being home, my brother is home recuperating.  He’s a cranky son-of-a-bitch, but I can’t blame him for that.  It must suck so bad being laid up and not able to work or do much of anything.  That would get old quick like.

And I guess that’s about it.  Earth shattering, no?

I’m still not feeling 100%.  7pm Sunday night, and I’m STILL SICK!  Entire weekend in the trash.  New week ahead with SO MUCH TO DO, and I’M STILL SICK.

whine whine whine.

I get so cranky and whiny and annoying when I’m sick.  I tell Sean that I would hate me too if I were him.  I hate me anyway and I’m me. 

I am the worst sick person.  whine. cry.

When I woke up this morning (as with yesterday morning) I feel like I’m actually a little bit better.  But by the time 3pm rolls around, I’m ready to nap. For the night.  Today I forced myself to keep working.  I need eyelid holder-uppers.  I’m beat.

Maybe once I eat something I’ll get my second, third, fourth wind?

whine whine whine.

I’ve had some good luck this year in the Sick Department.  Normally I get at least one really BAD sickness that leaves me in bed for days on end.  And a lingering cough for the rest of the winter.

This year things have gone much better than I thought it would.  However, I wasn’t able to go without getting something, so this here right now is that something.

It started Wednesday night around dinner time.  A little something didn’t feel so right with my throat.  I thought maybe it was just irritated.  I woke up Thursday and felt about the same.  I got through work, because I have so much of it, and then crashed on the couch with Sean.  He put me to bed around 10 last night and I woke up at noon this afternoon.  Throat is feeling a little better, but I’ve got this nasty congestion that seems to be sitting exactly where my sore throat was.

It’s just annoying.  Fucking shit or get off the pot sickies. I just downed a few cups of tea and now I’m deciding on what to feed myself.  I have no real appetite, but I know if I don’t eat then I’ll feel even worse. 

Stormy is here keeping me company and loving on me today.  He must sense that something isn’t right because he will not leave my side.  It’s most adorable and sweet, though also a bit hard to get anything done because I could just lay with him all day.  If he would fit in my pocket, I would keep him there.

There are millions of thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head today.  I woke up happy, but then it quickly turned into something else.  I yelled at Sean for no good reason.  Then I yelled at him some more over something I can’t even remember right now.  Sean’s a trooper though, and he knows whats bothering me before I can even put it into words.

Mom’s moving this weekend.  And tonight is dinner at my sister’s house, where we’ll say goodbye.

It sounds so silly to me to be upset about this.  I’m not a little kid anymore.  I’ve lived seperately from my mom since I’m 17 years old.  I have a husband now.  He’s the person I lean on and get support from.  No more than 10 years ago, I was doing everything I could to get away from my mother.  And now, here I sit, crying and an emotional basket case because she’s moving a few states away...trying to figure out how soon I can get the hell out of here and be closer to her again.

I know this is the BEST move for her!  She needed to stop working at M A C Y * S and she needed to live some place warmer and cheaper and just all around better.  So I’m happy for her!  She deserves this more than anything.  The long (12+ hours) work days were slowing killing her.  The stress and aggravation from it all wasn’t helping at all.  These are all the things my sister told me on the phone the other night, and while I agreed completely with her, I wondered whether she was trying to convince me of all this, or herself.

I’ve tried really hard not to think so much about this weekend, because it had always been so far away.  I’ve not allowed myself time to really feel all the emotions.  I think on some level, I was hoping this day just would never come and something would happen, and she’d be here a little bit longer. 

So, today I’m just sad. 

"Thanks a Mint”

When the hell did that become popular to say?  I’ve heard it 8 times today.  In one day.  ONE DAY!

*screams*